For the past two days I know and realize that at over 300 lbs and just under 5'2", I have a problem. I need to be of support to others but I also need to be of support to myself and have some support for myself. I need to hold myself accountable for my deeds, including all of the times when my deeds afford a pat on the back and whenever I make a misstep. I have come to realize that I have spent a long time wishing, hoping, trying, and being inspired. All of the while, I have been struggling to take care of myself. It is time I take a look in the proverbial, not just literal mirror. I know what is wrong with me. I do have a self esteem issue and that is why I often refer to myself as lazy. Mentally I get confusing messages and one of them does border on the "not wanting to lose weight"thing. I do get inspired by watching others working all the while wishing I could do the same thing. I have a lot of inventory to take stock of and even more to hold myself accountable for. I am over 40 and I feel so blah at times. I now even wonder how hard I really tried to lose weight. I know I am not old, at all, but I know that I just feel like life has been passing me by. It is just time to live...to be healthy. Now is as good a time as any.
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