I am doing so much better.

Right now, I am only starting off slow.  I am over 300 pounds and I am considered super morbidly obese.  I am worried about myself.  I have every reason to exercise and diet.  This is an issue that I have to face.  I am lazy, that is true.  I am also not ready to diet, exercise, and therefore, lose weight, that is true, too.  I have broken a chair.  I don't walk as fast as I should.  My health isn't optimal as I am diabetic.  I also have high blood cholesterol and high blood sugar.  I have tried everything.  In fact, this is my third time trying Weight Watchers.  I am okay now, but I have made no progress, no matter how hard I try.  I just want to give up.  Nothing has made me realize that I need to lose weight. I don't have that one moment that would make me say, "I need to lose".  I have that voice in my head that is non-existent and I just don't know why I am doing.  Was I losing weight, or trying to please other people or compare myself to others?  Am I really doing it for myself?  There are just times when I feel like I am only existing.  I hate having this feeling.  I just cannot take it anymore.

Today:
I finally realize what has been wrong with me all along.  I have been feeling so frustrated for so long that I failed to see that as a believer, I have a God who can take care of me.  I have been burdened by this.  I have made a confession earlier and it has made me feel down.  On the other hand, it seems like I was unleashing.  I even sounded rather silly considering all that I have written.  Anyways, I would like to exercise more, because I want to be fit and in shape.  I don't want to be invisible and feel like I just "exist" anymore.  I am still on Weight Watchers and I would like to lose 80 pounds.  I have tried to lose weight many times to the point where I still ended up frustrated.  I know that I have to do some of the work myself.  Exercise isn't just an option.