Reality has hit me.

I wonder if my exercise journal is just a way to make me look better than I do.  I want to do this, but it never comes to fruition.  The last thing I wanted to do is to put myself down, but I have.  I have just stopped taking care of myself.  I gave up on myself to the point where at 5'1", I now weigh over 300 pounds.  Weighing more than 300 pounds was a wake up call in another set of wake up calls.  The real issues are a lack of motivation, fear of failure, lack of interest, lack of equipment, and whatever exercise should I start with. Those are issues that have stressed me out and have been stressing me out lately.  I went to the doctor and she told me that while I have made some dietary changes, she recommended exercise.  For my particular apple-shaped frame, exercise would be beneficial or rather, do me some good.  But where do I begin?