Time to be real

“Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.” -Clark Moustakas

It is time for me to be real.  I feel better when I exercise.  I find myself asking what I am waiting for. I don't know what really to do.  I don't wish to make any more excuses.  That is what I have been doing.  I am looking to buy equipment or a gym membership.  At the same time I want to walk.  I have been overwhelmed and that is the problem.  The procrastination is a symptom of a much larger problem.  The problem is, I lack the sheer motivation to exercise.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  The closer I get to actually doing it the farther off I slide.  I may slow walk but I realize that is not enough.  I know I am not healthy.  I am 40 years old and I take 5+ medications a day, some for diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.  I have PCOS and I have grown tired of the vicious cycle of diet, exercise, and ups and downs in my weight.  I need help in defeating that and I have been hesitant to begin an exercise regimen for fears that I will fall or break a bone.  I also have a fear that even if I do exercise, my goal of more permanent weight loss won't be accomplished because I always end up overwhelmed and give up.  That is why I don't exercise.  Now I see that it is time for me to overcome my fears and just move a muscle. I myself don't want to end up unhealthier than I already am.